Once my brother's girlfriend, Alicia, wrote in my slam book, ''Love hurts, it hurts when you break up with someone, it hurts when someone breaks up with you. But it hurts the most when someone you love doesn't understand how much you love him".
PROLOGUE
The rain was pouring heavily. The weatherman had said it was the record rainfall of the season. The railway station was mostly deserted except for a few remaining night time shop keepers. Even they were closing their shops and returning to their cozy homes. I saw the rails stretching into an endless darkness. I got down from the platform and started walking into the darkness. The freezing wind whipped through my damp clothes, the raindrops hitting on my face felt like pebbles. I shuddered, not of the cold wind, but of trying to suppress the tears coming from my eyes. Crying was usual, every day I cried myself to sleep. But now it's going to come to an end. The darkness swallowed me with each step I took. In the distant, I could hear the sound of an approaching train. I kept on walking. I could feel the vibrations through the rail tracks. Nothing mattered. My mind was numb. My whole body was numb. I just had only one feeling, pain. Unbearable, heart wrecking pain. Its like there is a big hole in my heart. Like someone wrenched my heart out. And with each breath I take it increases, the pain becomes unbearable. I could hear somebody shouting my name, I didn't care. I need to stop this pain.
The other day Sarah had messaged me saying "I don't know how to say this, it will hurt you a lot after reading this message. But being a friend I have to say anyway, she is getting engaged next month. Now onwards don't call her. A Girl's life is not in her hands. They always have to take care of her parents' wishes."
I saw the train speeding towards me, I closed my eyes, raised my arms to the sky, taking my last breath, cold with the pouring rain, taking in the final moments. Thinking about the beautiful moments I had with her. The last call I had with her, her sweet laughter and soft voice. The last time I saw her, her beautiful smile. The smell of her perfume.
"I love you. I will miss you".
Then something hit me hard.
Chapter 1
I have heard a lot about lovers and their adventurous stories, but I never had a love story for myself, because I never liked the way it is. It never had a happy ending. In the films, it ends in a good way, but in real life, it doesn't always happen that way.
Here is why I don't like lovers. My brother, Ramirez was madly in love with this girl, Alicia. 'So what. It's a good thing.' you may ask, but hear me out. The love was to such an extent that he went nuts if his GF didn't chat with him for a day. And the girl was equally mad too. Here is a small story from their life to make you see the wrong side of love.
My brother and this girl were in love for like more than five years. Their love was a public secret. That is everyone except their parents knew about their relationship.
And as always one day their parents through usual gossip mediums came to know about their relationship. It created disastrous aftermath in the family who was bit traditional and followed the old folks' way of life. They never approved love marriage. And above all, the unexplainable marrying someone of the same age, fear. They both were of the same age, which according to me is an advantage. But our folks didn't allow. So they grounded him forever. So these lovers tried their best to act like they didn't love each other. So they can be ungrounded.
It went fine for a week or so. But then the signs started to appear one by one. The girl lost her sleep. And the boy his appetite. Then the girl went absolutely nuts. Usually, she gets 95 percent in exams, and by that, I meant in all the exams she ever wrote in her life. But after this calamity, she started getting 70 percent marks (for me 70ish means party time). Which by her standards is a lot less.
And my brother he lost ten kilos in a week.(ok, that might be a good thing).
Me being his brother and all, I simply had to help him one way or the other. And all the food which he did not eat, I ate them. So I gained the weight which he lost. This got me more worried. So I hooked him with his GF again without my parents knowing, and they became good lovers again.
That is one kind of relationship which I support( but that doesn't mean I like it, and I should love a girl). See what I meant by the wrong side of love. My brother lost 10 kilos, and I gained 10 kilos, and a studious girl lost twenty percent of her marks. Also, there is a kind of relationship where either the boy or the girl is acting as they love each other. But actually flirting. This kind of girls and boys make a list of boyfriends or girlfriends and publish it so they can become famous on their campus. That kind of relationship I loathe, because I need to preserve the value of a true relationship. You might be thinking I am some sort of family guy. Yeah, I am, so what, sue me.
So the thing is that I never went searching for love. It was kind of hectic, and you know what they say about girls and their ways. If we buy a rose they say,'I thought you bought me a necklace.' And if we buy a necklace for them they say, 'This is out of fashion just buy me a Cadbury's chocolate.' And if we buy chocolate they say.... you know right, what I am trying to get to. It's very hard to understand them. So I used to advise this hopeless lover brother of mine that this was not going to happen and he would reply, "Dude you can not, not fall in love when the right girl comes. Nothing can stop you. You think one thing and do something else. You will fall in love because you are a man and a girl is waiting for you in some corner of the world. And above all God have created everything in pairs."
What to say that is exactly when God decides to test me and my integrity to stay pure and untouched by the hands of love.
I began failing in my exams and as usual blamed it on my teachers. So my parents, who never knew that my stupid small brother was to be blamed (and partly me too). He brought all the new PC games to my home and made me play. (to tell the truth, I was the one who suggests all the games). And as usual, my parents, being parents started sending me to tuitions.
to be continued
~ Razeen Manama
